Over the past few weeks I’ve talked about upward mentors, peer mentors, and downward mentors. When you don’t have this constellation of mentors, you can run into trouble, and sometimes with fatal consequences.
What happens if you don’t have any upward mentors? One result is that your ability to grow is delayed. If you are not able to glean from the wisdom of others or not able to learn from other peoples’ mistakes, you will have to learn everything on our own. Learning from your own mistakes can sometimes be a good thing, but to make mistake after mistake after mistake just because you didn’t learn from someone else, when you could have, is a bad stewardship of time.
What happens when you have too few upward mentors? You will tend to listen to only one or two voices. But if those one or two voices are theologically off or their character is not strong, you will find yourself following in their footsteps. I know of a few people who were going to a certain church and the pastor was so charismatic and so controlling, he made sure the people only listened to him. But when this pastor was discovered to be in an affair, the people were left confused. Why? Because they had listened to only one voice.
What happens if you don’t have any peer mentors? There won’t be anyone to watch your blind side. Everyone has blind sides, areas that you aren’t aware of. It could be a character issue like anger, sarcasm, or harshness. Allowing those areas to continue can disqualify you from ministry because a character issue eventually becomes a glaring issue. Not having someone near to speak into your life allows character issues to grow and overtake you. I’m keeping my eye on one leader who likes to manipulate people and situations. He doesn’t have many close friends. My understanding is that other people avoid him. Because he doesn’t let anyone near him to correct him, he continues on this trajectory where he will eventually be disqualified and his ministry will be fruitless.
What happens if you have too few peer mentors? Your disqualification will be delayed. I’m keeping an eye on one leader who only has one close friend. This leader consistently makes decisions that lack integrity. But because he only meets with his peer mentor occasionally, correction comes far and few between. Correction does come and he does respond appropriately, but having too few peer mentors means his ability to lead effectively in the long run will be curtailed.
What happens if you don’t have any downward mentors? Your ability to be sharpened as a shepherd won’t happen. You may be able to lead ministry groups towards a task, but you will be lacking in strong relational skills. Having downward mentors is one of the best ways to stay sharp as a shepherd because those you are influencing are watching you more than they are listening to you. If you know younger or potential leaders are watching you, you will be more careful with what you do. With no downward mentors, there is no need to be careful.
What happens if you have too few downward mentors? You will get dull over time. Why? Because at some point, years later, those you are mentoring will have heard the same things they heard years ago. If they are young leaders, they will need a variety of upward mentors over time. Those you are mentoring now will need to move on. And when they do, you will need to find new downward mentors to pour into. But if you don’t, you will become dull.
This constellation of mentors is like a circle of friends the Lord has put around you to help you finish well. Some may think having a constellation may be too restrictive. But I’ve seen time and time again when a leader doesn’t have a constellation, s/he goes sideways and disqualifies him/herself from ministry.
Questions to Think About:
Do you have a healthy constellation of mentors – upward, peer, and downward?
Think over the next year. How can you strengthen your constellation? What will you need to do to have a growing & healthy constellation?
© Gary Lau 2013
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