In 2004 I had gone through a time of brokenness and waiting. The comfortable world I had built where I was in control had been broken by the Lord. Thus I had to wait on Him to rebuild it. I knew it would look very different. I knew my heart would be different. The Lord wasn’t done with me yet.
In 2003 I was an instructor for Walk Thru the Bible, a ministry that teaches people the big picture of the Bible using hand signs and catch phrases. I would go to various churches around the state to hold Bible seminars. As I continued to teach these seminars more people were understanding the Bible but at the same time my head was getting bigger. Although I never said this out loud, inside I thought I was a gift to the churches. The affirmations I received from the participants convinced me that pastors were not teaching their congregations the story of the Bible. Thus I would come into a church and within a few hours help people see the Bible was not as intimidating as they thought. This would inspire people to begin reading their Bible more often and with more insight.
But something else was happening as my pride was growing. I was robbing God of His glory. I was taking away what was rightfully His. Although I would give thanks to God after a seminar was over, I would be at home basking in self-glory, satisfied with how well I did, and how I helped others understand His Word. Little by little, my head was getting bigger and my heart was getting smaller.
God, in His infinite wisdom, knew what my future would look like and knew I could not move forward with my heart in it’s current condition. Thus He allowed cancer to invade my body in 2004 to begin the biggest heart transplant I ever experienced. And God, in His infinite love, stood with me through the whole ordeal. This began a gradual heart change. It was a lesson learned over days, weeks, and months. Little by little, the Lord was opening my eyes to the largeness of my pride and the littleness of my heart.
Pride is one of the most difficult sins to correct. Have you ever tried to correct a prideful person? Try to gently and lovingly tell a person they are prideful. Their response, “No, I’m not!” That’s pride in action. Although you may try to correct a prideful person, I’ve found the most effective method is to allow the Lord to bring correction. This is what the Lord had to do with me.
Looking back, I remember times when people tried to tell me I was prideful but I denied it. People with loving hearts attempted to help me with my attitude but I dismissed them. Therefore, it took the Lord to bring necessary correction to this sin.
At the same time God was also increasing my love for others. I had grown up very self-sufficient. If I wanted something done right, I would do it myself. I was so task-oriented, I lost sight of relationships. Thus when I could no longer work and be self-sufficient, the Lord showed tremendous love through those who brought meals, money, and cards of encouragement. This outpouring of generosity broke me. I saw how the body of Christ needed each other.
God was breaking down my pride and breaking open my heart.
I confessed my pride to God. He would bring to remembrance times I robbed Him of His glory; I would repent and He would extend forgiveness. Mercy invaded my heart.
I confessed my lack of love for others. He would bring to remembrance times I could have loved better; I would repent and He would extend forgiveness. Grace invaded my heart.
Looking back to the time nine years ago, those excruciating months of going through cancer treatments and recovering from the physical effects were reflective of the spiritual healing that needed to take place. I needed to deal with my sins in order to move forward.
Sometimes we don’t have good leaders who last because they aren’t willing to confess the sins God wants them to deal with.
Questions to Think About:
Has the Lord been speaking to you about an area of life that is unpleasing to Him but you consistently ignore it?
Pride is one of the hardest sins to correct. Do you need to do a heart and head check to see if you’re prideful?
© Gary Lau 2013
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