Two weeks ago I wrote the need for a disciple to learn humility: everyone will be humbled. HUMILITY is when you take the initiative to put your face to the ground. HUMILIATION is when the Lord has to do it. Last week I talked about stewarding influence: 1) you don’t have to promote yourself, 2) allow God to bring the influence, and 3) steward well the influence the Lord gives you. This week I want to give a few more thoughts about humility and influence.
First, respond appropriately to compliments. Every once in a while someone will come up to you and thank you for the great job you did. This could happen because of a well-done ministry event, a song you sang, or a message you gave. This is someone’s way of expressing their appreciation for how you ministered to them.
This is how I’ve seen people respond sometimes: “Oh no, it was all God.” In some respects, that is correct. God is the sovereign Lord and all things begin and end with Him. But at the same time God used you at that moment, at that place, for a reason – to help that person get closer to the Lord. In his book, One Big Thing, Phil Cooke says when you don’t receive a compliment correctly and say you didn’t have anything to do with it, you belittle that person’s experience.
Sometimes we think we are being humble by saying, “Oh no, it was all God,” but in reality that is false humility. It looks like we are being humble but in reality it’s self-abasement. We don’t acknowledge how the Lord is personally using us.
When someone gives you a compliment, see it as an encouragement from the Lord. These encouragements help you to understand your gifts, calling, purpose, and in some respects, your destiny. Therefore, when someone compliments you, respond by saying, “Thank you for your encouragement,” and listen to their story. Saying this affirms the person’s experience as well as the Lord’s working in your life.
Second, take correction correctly. Not too long ago a student at our college had to be corrected for his inappropriate behavior…lying, spreading rumors, and cheating on a quiz. Upon correction with our Director of Student Life, he began to make excuses, hemming and hawing, and blaming other people. Thereafter, whenever he was asked to meet for follow-up, he found ways to avoid the meetings. This young man did not know how to take correction correctly.
When I was a child, correction came in the form of a belt or scratching stick. In other words, I got lickens. But I deserved it. Sometimes I had to get lickens several times before I learned the lesson: don’t lie, come home on time, don’t talk back to your mother.
Nobody likes correction but correction is necessary when something is wrong. Correction is like putting a cast on a broken bone. At first the pain is excruciating as the bone is reset in place, but over time the cast keeps the bone straight so that it can heal properly. The wrong thing would be to leave the bone as is, with no cast…it would never heal and ultimately a deformity sets in.
God brings correction so that our character continues to reflect Jesus. Correction is a form of love from the Lord and He will use the Word, people, and circumstances to bring that about. Therefore, the right way to receive correction is with humility, repentance, and a desire to change. Without these three things, our character will have a deformity.
Third, give correction correctly. For me, one of the most difficult things to do is to bring correction to someone. But sometimes it is necessary so that a person becomes more like Jesus. Whenever I need to bring correction I do three things. First, I go before the Lord and make sure that my heart is right, that I’m not desiring correction for my personal comfort, to have authority over someone, or as a personal vendetta.
Second, as much as possible, I try to meet the person face-to-face at the appropriate time. In this way, the person can see my non-verbal communication, my posture, my tone of voice, my eyes, and to show I really care about them. But more importantly, there can be dialogue. The worst is to communicate correction over email. The person cannot see you or hear your voice, and worse, there is no immediate dialogue. Believe me, if an email can be taken the wrong way, it will be. A pastor once tried to correct a children’s worker via email and it backfired. The lady and her husband left the church, and it affected other children’s workers. All of this could have been alleviated with a face-to-face meeting.
Third, throughout the whole process, I try to remain humble. My heart’s desire is for God’s glory and what’s best for this person, not necessarily what’s best for me. This takes sacrificial love. Not all correction turns out for the best. I cannot control how a person responds. If the person doesn’t take correction correctly, it can cause a broken relationship for years. But if I can come before the Lord and be honest that I did it prayerfully, relationally, at the right time, and humbly, I believe I did it correctly.
Questions to Think About
How do you usually respond when someone gives you a compliment?
When someone corrects you, are you able to receive it correctly? If not, why not?
Think about a time you had to correct a peer. How did it turn out? What did you learn from it?
© Gary Lau 2013
All rights reserved. This article may not be distributed, forwarded or duplicated without prior permission from the author.
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