The year was 2004. I was 38 years old. I was at home recovering from chemotherapy and radiation treatments. It was 2am in the morning. I couldn’t sleep in bed because I would get acid reflux when sleeping horizontally. I couldn’t sleep on the couch because it was uncomfortable. Thus I found myself in a beach chair in the middle of my living room…and I couldn’t fall asleep. I was in constant pain from the treatments – my throat was raw, there was a feeding tube coming out of my stomach, and I was weak.
Everything in my life had stopped. I couldn’t participate in any family activities. I couldn’t do any ministry. I did try grocery shopping with my wife every once in a while but I would need to bundle up because the air conditioning in the store felt like a freezer and I had to ride in a motorized cart. Sometimes it was easier to stay home than go out.
Up until my diagnosis of cancer I was the full-time administrator at my church. But when I could no longer go into the office my responsibilities were transferred to someone else. It had been weeks since I stepped foot into a weekend service. I had to cancel my participation in a summer Thailand mission trip where I would have done some Bible teaching. It felt like my plans for the future were put on a long hold.
So as I sat in my beach chair and watched the minutes tick by on a digital clock, sleep evaded me. How I longed to sleep even for a few minutes just to escape all that was happening to me. This was the worst season of my life.
But it was also the best season of my life. Not in the sense I was enjoying what was happening with my body, family, ministry, church, and future. It was during these times when everything was taken away did I understand the need for BEING over DOING. Up until this point, my identity was wrapped up in what I did and who I knew. But little by little God took all of that away until there was only Him. It was during this time when I began to understand the need to develop my BEING. It was during this season when I learned I was fully accepted and fully loved by God, without needing to do anything to get on God’s good side. This was when God was shaping my character.
Let me ask you a question: if God were to take everything away from your life, who would you be?
What if God abolished your activities? What if you could no longer do the ministry you are currently doing? Would you feel lost? Maybe you are too wrapped up in your ministry.
What if God took away your title? You probably worked long and hard to get the title you have. What if in one fell swoop God took your title away? Would you feel disoriented? Maybe you are hanging on to your title too much.
What if God purged your possessions? Think of all the things that make your life easy and comfortable: home, car, monies and investments, warm showers, microwave oven. What if they were all gone? Would you feel immobilized? Maybe your heart is more attached to possessions than you think.
What if God relinquished your relationships? I know there are some relationships you can do without, but what about the ones you cherish like your family or that friend or two who really understand you. What if you could no longer see or talk with them? Maybe relationships have become more important than they should be.
What if God took away your technology? Think about life without your smartphone, laptop, or tablet. Would you shut down? Would you feel paralyzed? Maybe you’ve relied on technology too much.
What if God eliminated your influence? Think about those you mentor, teach, and direct. What if God said you will no longer be able to guide those who look up to you?
What if God got rid of your goals? What if all your future plans were changed and you no longer had a goal to live for. Would your hope be gone? Would you know what to do?
I have a feeling three characters in the Bible know what I’m talking about: Job, Joseph, and Moses.
Job was a well to-do man. But within moments of each other, he lost his wealth, family, and health. Although he had some friends who surrounded him, Job called them worthless.
Joseph was the favored son of Jacob even though he was one of the youngest. But in an instant, everything he had grown up with was taken away and he was now a slave in a foreign land.
Moses was the “grandson” of the ruler of Egypt and was probably being groomed to take over. He had all the luxuries of a palace with people at his disposal to do his bidding. But in one feel swoop, he had to escape Egypt and leave life as he knew it.
But it was during these times, when everything was taken away, that Job, Joseph, and Moses progressively moved from DOING to BEING. It was no longer about what they did, it was about Who they knew. It was just Job and God. It was just Joseph and God. It was just Moses and God. Nothing else. No comforts. No goals. No reliable relationships. This is when they went deep with God and came out a different person. Their identity was founded on God and God alone. Nothing else.
Sometimes we don’t have good leaders who last because their lives are wrapped up in everything else but God and God alone.
Questions to Think About:
What if God systematically took away everything that was important to you? What would be left? Who would you be?
Maybe you’ve gone through “the worst season of your life.” What did you learn about God?
© Gary Lau 2013
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