These leadership lessons were created for a group of eight college students I mentored in July 2012 in Tracy, California. As I was praying what to teach them, the Lord impressed upon my heart the need to give these students a head-start in their leadership, thus these lessons.
1. I wish someone taught me it was about God’s glory
When I was doing youth ministry during my college years, the thrust of the ministry was evangelism. I had heard many times that most people turn to Christ during their teenage years. Thus it was imperative to reach as many high school students as possible. After eight years of youth ministry I went to help plant a church where the senior pastor’s heart was evangelism. I remember him saying, “As long as there is one person left in my city who is not saved, my work is not done.” Therefore my whole Christian life revolved around evangelism.
It was years later when I was in my 30’s that I went to a seminar called Cat & Dog Theology. There I learned that life was about God and His Glory. 1Cor. 10:31 says, “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” I learned that evangelism is a means to a greater end – so that more people can glorify God. Jesus died on the cross primarily for the Father’s glory and secondarily for our salvation (Jn. 12:27-28). The reason we do evangelism, the reason we do missions is so that more people can glorify God.
I wish someone taught me it was about God’s glory.
2. I wish someone taught me I needed to be intentional about integrity.
I can recall times when I told people small lies so that I wouldn’t look bad in front of others. Or I delayed on some commitments or made excuses for not doing something. What I didn’t realize was how important integrity was during my 20’s.
I love Joseph’s response when Potiphar’s wife enticed him to sleep with her, “There is no one greater in this house than I, and [Potiphar] has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do this great evil and sin against God?” (Gen. 39:9). Joseph was a man of integrity. Ultimately He did not want to sin against God.
An interesting side-note is that although Joseph did the right thing, he ended up in prison. Yet he was not bitter towards God even though he was innocent (Gen. 40:15). He held strong to his integrity. Sometimes the way up is down.
The period between 20 to 30 is critical. It is during this time God builds character in a person. There will be multiple times when you will have an Integrity Check – can you do the right thing? This is called the Three-Fold Testing Pattern: a test, a response, and a result. God will give you a test like a ministry task, a time when you are alone and no one is looking, or a responsibility. Then you have to decide how you will respond. You can respond positively or negatively. If you respond correctly the result is expansion, sometimes immediate, sometimes delayed. If you respond incorrectly the result is more training.
I’m reminded of what Jesus said in Luke 16:10, “He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much; and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much.”
I wish someone taught me I needed to be intentional about integrity.
3. I wish someone taught me that I needed to cultivate my inside more than my outside
When I was in college I was very concerned about my image – what I wore, what my car looked like, how I communicated to others. I wanted to come across as cool, calm, and collected. I wanted to let others know that I was okay in all areas of my life, including my spiritual life. But that was just a façade. In reality, I allowed people to determine my worth rather than God. Today it could take other forms. Posting my picture on Facebook to receive positive comments. Being onstage so that others would see me and think I’m spiritual.
But what people see on the outside may not match the inside. When God wanted to choose a new king for Israel, he sent the prophet Samuel to the family of Jesse. As Jesse introduced his sons, Samuel saw the first-born, Eliab, and thought, “Surely the Lord’s anointed is before him.” But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1Sam. 16:6-7).
What I should have done was cultivate my private life, the area of life when I was by myself. I remember reading a book Who You Are When No One’s Looking by Bill Hybels. Your private time (when you’re alone by yourself) will affect your personal life (when you’re with your family) which will affect your public life.
I wish someone taught me I needed to cultivate my inside more than my outside.
4. I wish someone taught me I needed to balance my life.
In my 20’s my whole life was about ministry. I ate, drank, slept ministry. During those years I let my college studies go down. In my mind, a late night doing ministry justified showing up late to class the next morning. Doing evangelism justified getting a B rather than an A. I also stopped spending time with my family because ministry to the youth was more important. I fell into a trap that said, “If I don’t…it won’t.” In other words I thought that if I didn’t reach high school students for the Lord, they would be condemned to hell. I fell into a trap of thinking I was indispensible.
Looking back I wish I had learned to balance my life. Ministry is one part of life, but not your whole life. I remember hearing that ministry is good, but ministry is not God. I’m reminded of Luke 2:52, “And Jesus kept increasing in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” Jesus was balanced in His mental, physical, spiritual and social life.
There is a time for school, church, family, ministry, hobbies, friends and much more. But all of this needs to be balanced. There will be times when ministry will take precedence due to some big event, but the pendulum needs to be swung back to other areas so that there is balance.
I wish someone taught me I needed to balance my life.
5. I wish someone taught me how to rest
This goes along with the above regarding balance but I wanted to make a special emphasis on rest. I did youth ministry for eight years (18-26 years old). I didn’t know it then but at 26 years old I was burned out. Rather than resting I turned my attention to a different ministry as I became part of a church plant team. This went on for another eight years (26-34 years old). By the time I was in my mid-30’s I was crispy. Ministry was more of a job than a joy, I was irritable around people, and I dreaded weekend services. I was burnt out.
Much of the reason was because I didn’t rest. When I was in college I had a lot of energy and figured, “Why did I need to rest when I had so much energy?” So my mentality was go-go-go. What I should have done was rested. I remember when the youth ministry would have a five-day camp right after Christmas. During those days I would get a total of about 20 hours of sleep. But after camp was over, I would go and play volleyball with others. Then that night we would go watch a movie. What I should have done was rested.
Even in my 30’s I still had some energy. I would be doing ministry when I should have been taking a Sabbath. So by the time I hit 34, I was burned out. I quit the ministry vowing never to go into full-time ministry again, got a job in downtown Honolulu, and enjoyed my nights and weekends off.
Even God rested. Although God is omnipotent, He modeled for humanity the need to rest. Sometimes I see students doing a lot of ministry based on their Facebook statuses. I am hoping they will find time to rest.
Today I love being in full-time ministry. And I make it a point to have a Sabbath, a day when I don’t do ministry. I also make it a point to take naps. I find that for my body I need my naps. So I will go home from work early, take a nap, wake up and continue my work at home. I am more productive that way.
One of the lessons I’ve learned along the way is the need to rest then minister, not the other way around. Most people will minister then rest. But the ministry to-do list is endless and most times rest will go out the window. Therefore I rest then minister then rest again.
I wish someone taught me how to rest.
Question to Think About:
Looking back to the early years of ministry, what are five things you wish you knew?
© Gary Lau 2012
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